Today was Soren and Asher's first 'bath' at home, which consisted of me wiping them down with a warm rag. In true Soren style, he peed over all of us. Jamie held each boy in a towel while I gently scrubbed their tiny bodies. They were both so stinking cute.
We interrupted the 'schedule' to take Soren and Asher on their first walk EVER! We pulled out the stroller and off we went. The boys snoozed the entire time but it was still wonderful to be outdoors with them and to have such wonderful fresh fall air caress their fragile skin.
A lady stopped her car to ask how old Soren and Asher were and if they were boys or girls. A couple of ladies living down the street from us remarked, 'you had your baby!' I said, I had my TWO babies and they were shocked! I think we have a lot of similar comments ahead of us.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The warmth of a meal
Our ward and friends have been generous in providing meals for us during this exhausting time. Never before had I felt like a true candidate for others to bring me meals but for the first time in my life I have known the blessing of warm food at my door step. Jamie and I have been so busy that meals have been secondary to everything else, which means a lot considering how much I have historically loved food. Since the boys have come home we have to decide between sleeping or eating in our spare time and when a meal arrives, the decision is easy.
Let me just say that GONE are the days of tuna casseroles!! We have been honored with the most superlative meals imaginaeable!
Candace brought us pineapple/black bean enchiladas, which were very tasty. I never would have thought to combine pineapple and black beans--delicious.
The McCormicks brought us salad, veggie lasagna, and eggplant parmesan. Jamie inhaled the eggplant parmesan and declared it his favorite dish.
Mary brought us parmesan polenta, lentils, fresh salad, celebration lemonade, farm fresh apples, and an assortment of cookies. The polenta covered in lentils was extremely nourishing and satisfying. Again, I never would have thought to couple those ingredients. We ate this after a late night at the hospital and I could feel it heal my body.
Lora and Eric brought us soup and sandwiches from Panera--what a treat! I love the broccoli cheddar soup.
Margeurite made us roasted veggies with herbed goat cheese, citrus quinoa salad, teriyaki marinated tofu, fresh salad, and muffins for shuttling to and from the hospital. This meal ROCKED my world. Her roasted veggies with goat cheese made me swoon. It was the first time I had tasted goat cheese since the pregnancy and it was a wonderful reunion. Her tofu was the best straight up tofu I had ever eaten in my LIFE.
Laura brought us a layered veggie dish with potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, and loads of fresh herbs. It was warm and lovely!
Martha brought us a potato chowder with rosemary bread that Jamie and I could not consume fast enough. She also gave us raspberries, cheese, and chocolate covered almonds.
Can you believe the generosity and culinary creativity of our friends?
My belly thanks you soooooooooooooooo much.
Let me just say that GONE are the days of tuna casseroles!! We have been honored with the most superlative meals imaginaeable!
Candace brought us pineapple/black bean enchiladas, which were very tasty. I never would have thought to combine pineapple and black beans--delicious.
The McCormicks brought us salad, veggie lasagna, and eggplant parmesan. Jamie inhaled the eggplant parmesan and declared it his favorite dish.
Mary brought us parmesan polenta, lentils, fresh salad, celebration lemonade, farm fresh apples, and an assortment of cookies. The polenta covered in lentils was extremely nourishing and satisfying. Again, I never would have thought to couple those ingredients. We ate this after a late night at the hospital and I could feel it heal my body.
Lora and Eric brought us soup and sandwiches from Panera--what a treat! I love the broccoli cheddar soup.
Margeurite made us roasted veggies with herbed goat cheese, citrus quinoa salad, teriyaki marinated tofu, fresh salad, and muffins for shuttling to and from the hospital. This meal ROCKED my world. Her roasted veggies with goat cheese made me swoon. It was the first time I had tasted goat cheese since the pregnancy and it was a wonderful reunion. Her tofu was the best straight up tofu I had ever eaten in my LIFE.
Laura brought us a layered veggie dish with potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, and loads of fresh herbs. It was warm and lovely!
Martha brought us a potato chowder with rosemary bread that Jamie and I could not consume fast enough. She also gave us raspberries, cheese, and chocolate covered almonds.
Can you believe the generosity and culinary creativity of our friends?
My belly thanks you soooooooooooooooo much.
Friday, September 28, 2007
P Squared
Grandma loving her baby Asher.
After my mom started doing triathlons Jamie gave her the nickname of P squared because she is so stinking turbo. Having her here with us for five days was an enormous blessing and we all benefited from her turboness. I know she lamented not being with me when the boys were born but she got to be here when both Asher and Soren came home, which was really special for Jamie, the boys, and me.
She was happy to watch Asher while we shuttled to the hospital to visit Soren--what would we have done without her?
She baked us bread, she made a huge happy birthday cookie to celebrate having the boys home together, and she made welcome home decorations for Soren. She washed dishes, she did laundry, she changed messy diapers, she hugged, kissed, and held babies.
She told me I was doing a good job...to hear that from HER, my wonderful mother, was a compliment I will forever appreciate.
Thank you for coming MOM!!!
Near Death of Swelling
I swelled so much during my pregnancy that I genuinely believed that I would never have a normal body again. I had basically forgotten what it was like to have distinguishable ankles or knees. I was quite miserable--especially when each morning I was greeted with swollen eyes and a double chin. Having preeclampsia caused me to gain a LOT of weight with my pregnancy...40 pounds in the last month alone. When I went to the hospital at the zenith of my pregnancy weight I wondered how I would EVER lose that much weight. Well, I am thrilled to announce that I have knees again! My upper thighs no longer rub and I have my calves back. My ankles and feet still swell a little but they look MUCHO MEJOR. I put my wedding rings on and they fit, albeit a bit tighgly. I'll give my fingers a few more weeks.
Best news of all, I lost 70 pounds in TWO weeks. I saw Dr. Tchabo yesterday and that was the first time I allowed myself to step on a scale and I was ecstatic. I am 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and even though it looks like a lot more than 10 pounds pre-preg I am thrilled!
Best news of all, I lost 70 pounds in TWO weeks. I saw Dr. Tchabo yesterday and that was the first time I allowed myself to step on a scale and I was ecstatic. I am 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and even though it looks like a lot more than 10 pounds pre-preg I am thrilled!
My Heart
My sister in law Lisa remarked the other day that when you have children your heart is no longer yours. I learned that quickly and with incredible force. I feel like my heart is parceled out generously between my wonderful hubs and my beautiful boys. My heart responds to EVERY sound that Soren and Asher make. I can hardly sleep at night because their little bird chirps cause my heart to leap against my chest as if it were trying to escape to be united with the boys--where it belongs.
My heart has gotten an aggressive work out having both boys home. While changing Asher's diaper the other night he became severely startled and seemed to stop breathing. I freaked out and handed him to my mom exclaiming that he wasn't breathing. She rubbed his back and he gasped for air and yelped while I cried in desperation. My mom said that would be the first of many scares. I said it wasn't the first but it was the first one at home under my care.
Soren's first night home he cried and refused to sleep for several hours until I embraced my instincts and just HELD my precious baby babe. We slept in the recliner for many hours and after that he was calm and could sleep the rest of the night. There is nothing like the sensation of holding warm babies next to my heart and body--I LOVE it soo much.
Sometimes I worry that my heart is not strong enough to endure the trials of loving Jamie, Soren, and Asher sooo much because when they suffer I find myself without muscles and left to my knees. I also can't imagine a life without them so I'll take the trials and build up my heart's endurance so I can be strong for them because I will glady offer them my heart.
My heart has gotten an aggressive work out having both boys home. While changing Asher's diaper the other night he became severely startled and seemed to stop breathing. I freaked out and handed him to my mom exclaiming that he wasn't breathing. She rubbed his back and he gasped for air and yelped while I cried in desperation. My mom said that would be the first of many scares. I said it wasn't the first but it was the first one at home under my care.
Soren's first night home he cried and refused to sleep for several hours until I embraced my instincts and just HELD my precious baby babe. We slept in the recliner for many hours and after that he was calm and could sleep the rest of the night. There is nothing like the sensation of holding warm babies next to my heart and body--I LOVE it soo much.
Sometimes I worry that my heart is not strong enough to endure the trials of loving Jamie, Soren, and Asher sooo much because when they suffer I find myself without muscles and left to my knees. I also can't imagine a life without them so I'll take the trials and build up my heart's endurance so I can be strong for them because I will glady offer them my heart.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
NEWS FLASH: Soren is home!!!
The NICU called me this morning to say that the tube was taken out of Soren's nose last night and that he could come home today. Jamie and I were thrilled!!! We darted to the hospital to pick up our 5.3 lb son. He was serene and chill as usual. Having Soren home sleeping next to his brother has been a joyful experience. I hope to survive my first night of feeding TWO babies.
Asher's Homecoming!
Bringing home little Asher was really exciting and intimidating! Was it really okay to bring home a 4.6 lb baby? Would we be able to properly care for him? Would he eat? Would he be comfortable? Concerns aside, it was endearing to put him in his first outfit and watch him leave the hospital. He is so stinking tiny and cute! I am trying to keep him on a schedule but it is difficult to resist holding him all day and all night. I want to nuzzle my face in his tiny neck and caress his soft cheeks with endless kisses. Having him home has been wonderful but I desperately need Soren to come home so he can benefit from the love and attention that he can only get from home.
A Mother's Love
I called my mom in tears last week because one of the nurses had essentially scolded me for taking too long to feed Soren. Being ultra sensitive, I felt horrible and tried to hide my tears from the INsensitive nurse. After that conversation with my mom she called back and asked if Jamie could pick her up at the airport the following day (Saturday, September 22nd. I could not believe it! She was scheduled to come out for three weeks in October so another visit was entirely unexpected but enormously welcomed.
My mom could not have come at a better time. We went to the hospital first thing Sunday morning and were immediately told that Ahser was being discharged. I again felt conflicted--excited for Asher to come home but agonized to leave Soren at the hopsital. I started to cry and asked my mom how I was going to do it? She hugged and cried with me and provided a comfort that only she could give.
My mother's visit has allowed me to see Soren at least once a day because she is thrilled to stay behind and feed Asher and spend time with him, whom she calls 'the perfect baby.' She makes me feel like I am doing a good job as I balance trying to breastfeed, pump, shuttle back and forth to the hospital, and essentially just survive.
My mom has cooked us breakfast, made bread, done the laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, and been an open source of love and resonance. Thank you mom for WANTING to be here and making the sacrifice to come. I thank you. Jamie, Asher, and Soren thank you too.
My mom could not have come at a better time. We went to the hospital first thing Sunday morning and were immediately told that Ahser was being discharged. I again felt conflicted--excited for Asher to come home but agonized to leave Soren at the hopsital. I started to cry and asked my mom how I was going to do it? She hugged and cried with me and provided a comfort that only she could give.
My mother's visit has allowed me to see Soren at least once a day because she is thrilled to stay behind and feed Asher and spend time with him, whom she calls 'the perfect baby.' She makes me feel like I am doing a good job as I balance trying to breastfeed, pump, shuttle back and forth to the hospital, and essentially just survive.
My mom has cooked us breakfast, made bread, done the laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, and been an open source of love and resonance. Thank you mom for WANTING to be here and making the sacrifice to come. I thank you. Jamie, Asher, and Soren thank you too.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Brothers Together!
Asher and Soren together for the first times since delivery. While I was holding them they had hiccups at the same time so their little bobble heads were bouncing to the beat of their hiccups. It was so stinking cute and Jamie and I couldn't stop laughing.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Rough Start for Soren
A photo of Soren in his car seat--note the stinking tube.
My poor baby Soren. First he was torn from my womb five weeks early then he was subjected to circumcision and he had a tube put down his nose to his stomach. When Dr. Tchabo arrived to do the circumcision Jamie was on an errand and I refused to be in the room so I went to the parent's lobby and cried the entire time. I stopped just before the nurse arrived to tell me that my boys had become men. When I got to their room both were crying and I had never heard them cry like that before so I started to tear up again. Sorry little guys! Janet, the nurse, said that Soren peed all over Dr. Tchabo when he finished the circumcision! That's my boy.
At the next changing/feeding it was discovered that not enough vaseline was put on Soren's wound so the gauze stuck to his penis. It took the nurse what seemed like a million minutes to gently tear away the gauze and Soren was crying the entire time, which only made me upset and I too started crying because I was miserable for my son and soooo sorry that he had to suffer so much.
The next day Soren had to have a tube put down his nose to his throat because he wasn't regularly finishing his bottles so instead of throwing away uneaten breast milk, the remainder is put down the tube so that he can get the calories and continute to grow. Soren was so ticked while the nurse was putting in the tube that he yanked on the tube so hard that his little knuckes went bright white. Such a fighter that little guy!
Hospital Jewelry
I've always been a bracelet gal but never have I worn so many bracelets with such pride. One bracelet for each baby and two bracelets from my own time as a patient. I can't bear to take them off until the boys come home.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Introducing Asher and Soren Davis
Photos of the boys during the first few days of life. Immediately after delievery they had to be intubated b/c of respiratory distress syndrome but fortunately that only lasted a day. It tortures me to see their tiny bodies invaded with so much equipment but all of it allowed them to breathe and ultimately live.
I am a mom!!! The experiences of the past week were the most wonderful and agonizing of my life. NOTHING about the labor and delivery were as I had imagined and hoped them to be. I thought for sure I would go through the typical motions of labor: broken water, contractions, dramatic trip to the hospital, hours of labor and after a few short pushes--I would have two big baby boys! Yeah right.
Monday morning (Sept. 10th) I had not felt the babies move at ALL. I tried all the tricks to get the babies to move: going on a walk, drinking ice cold water, putting ice packs on my belly, and lying on my left side only to feel nothing. I called my doctor's office and they said to come in. I called Jamie in tears and he quickly left work to take me to see Dr. Tchabo.
During the regular office visit routine of blood pressure/urine sample it was discovered that my blood pressure had spiked and I had protein in my urine. Dr. Tchabo immediately had me admitted to the hospital for observation. I had preeclampsia and it worsened over night so that by morning the doctors said it was time to deliver the babies so I was prepped for a c-section. I was a little nervous and wasn't sure what to expect but the medical staff were all wonderful. As I was being given the epidural my labor/delivery nurse held my hand and stroked my arm and those simple actions made me feel safe and comfortable, which I needed b/c the anasthesiologist was freaking me out by saying that due to my preeclampsia she had to administer the epidural very slowly so that I didn't have a heart attack or a number of other life threatening complications. Awesome.
The delivery happened quickly but it was a very tortured experience because the medication made me extremely drousy and lying on my back with a sheet separating me from the delivery made everything turn upside down. When Asher came out he didn't cry immediately and I was trying desperately to see him but I felt dizzy and tired. Soren finally came out as well and soon the room was spinning and I felt helpless. Jamie got to hold Asher and the two of them looked so sweet together that I cried and then I got to see Soren just long enough to kiss his cheek then they were gone. Jamie left soon afterwards and suddenly I felt wretched. I felt like vomiting but I couldn't breathe at the same time so it was the most panicked moment of the experience. I had lost blood and had to be filled back up with two pints of blood. Before long I was back in my room hooked up to IVs and what felt like a million miles away from my babies.
I didn't get to see my babies for more than a day after delivery because I was too sick to leave my bed where I was hooked up to an IV and had the catheter. In general I felt exhausted and unsure if I would ever be mobile again. When I did see my babies for the first time I was in a wheel chair and not able to easily stand up so I didn't get to really see their faces b/c they were in the isolettes. It pained me to see them hooked up to so many wires and to need assistance breathing. Seeing them made me love them more and feel desperate for the chance to hold them and bring their bodies close to their mother.
I discovered new emotions the week I was in the hospital--the joy of motherhood, the guilt of motherhood, the pain of an unexpected delivery, and the agony of seeing two little bodies struggle to survive on their own. I often felt and still do that if ONLY I could have kept them in my womb even a week longer they would not have had to suffer so much. I love my babies.
I am a mom!!! The experiences of the past week were the most wonderful and agonizing of my life. NOTHING about the labor and delivery were as I had imagined and hoped them to be. I thought for sure I would go through the typical motions of labor: broken water, contractions, dramatic trip to the hospital, hours of labor and after a few short pushes--I would have two big baby boys! Yeah right.
Monday morning (Sept. 10th) I had not felt the babies move at ALL. I tried all the tricks to get the babies to move: going on a walk, drinking ice cold water, putting ice packs on my belly, and lying on my left side only to feel nothing. I called my doctor's office and they said to come in. I called Jamie in tears and he quickly left work to take me to see Dr. Tchabo.
During the regular office visit routine of blood pressure/urine sample it was discovered that my blood pressure had spiked and I had protein in my urine. Dr. Tchabo immediately had me admitted to the hospital for observation. I had preeclampsia and it worsened over night so that by morning the doctors said it was time to deliver the babies so I was prepped for a c-section. I was a little nervous and wasn't sure what to expect but the medical staff were all wonderful. As I was being given the epidural my labor/delivery nurse held my hand and stroked my arm and those simple actions made me feel safe and comfortable, which I needed b/c the anasthesiologist was freaking me out by saying that due to my preeclampsia she had to administer the epidural very slowly so that I didn't have a heart attack or a number of other life threatening complications. Awesome.
The delivery happened quickly but it was a very tortured experience because the medication made me extremely drousy and lying on my back with a sheet separating me from the delivery made everything turn upside down. When Asher came out he didn't cry immediately and I was trying desperately to see him but I felt dizzy and tired. Soren finally came out as well and soon the room was spinning and I felt helpless. Jamie got to hold Asher and the two of them looked so sweet together that I cried and then I got to see Soren just long enough to kiss his cheek then they were gone. Jamie left soon afterwards and suddenly I felt wretched. I felt like vomiting but I couldn't breathe at the same time so it was the most panicked moment of the experience. I had lost blood and had to be filled back up with two pints of blood. Before long I was back in my room hooked up to IVs and what felt like a million miles away from my babies.
I didn't get to see my babies for more than a day after delivery because I was too sick to leave my bed where I was hooked up to an IV and had the catheter. In general I felt exhausted and unsure if I would ever be mobile again. When I did see my babies for the first time I was in a wheel chair and not able to easily stand up so I didn't get to really see their faces b/c they were in the isolettes. It pained me to see them hooked up to so many wires and to need assistance breathing. Seeing them made me love them more and feel desperate for the chance to hold them and bring their bodies close to their mother.
I discovered new emotions the week I was in the hospital--the joy of motherhood, the guilt of motherhood, the pain of an unexpected delivery, and the agony of seeing two little bodies struggle to survive on their own. I often felt and still do that if ONLY I could have kept them in my womb even a week longer they would not have had to suffer so much. I love my babies.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Thanks hubs!
Last night I asked Jamie to clip my toe nails and paint them because I can no longer reach them and they were looking really rough. Being the best hubs ever he was happy to help. He did a great job! My swollen, chubby toes have never looked so cute. Thanks Jamie!
Belly Montage
17 weeks
20 weeks
25 weeks
29 weeks
34 weeks
My belly didn't start to look obscenely huge until about week 30. It is unlikely that I will hear any more comments about how small I look or how surprised people are that I am carrying twins because let's be honest people, I'm freaking enormous.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Scary monk monks
Beware of this monkey!!
I have always thought monkeys were freaky deak, except for tiny baby monkeys and squirrel monkeys. Reading this story only confirmed my opinion that monkeys can be frightfully sinister and dangerous!
A village in Kenya is under attack from what appears to be a troop of misogynist monkeys. Not only have the 300 or so vervet monkeys been stealing crops in the village of Nachu, a representative told the Kenyan parliament, but they have been mocking the village's womenfolk. "The monkeys grab their breasts and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts, " said villager Lucy Njeri. "We are afraid that they will sexually harass us."
34 weeks, 3 to go!
Right now at this very moment I don't feel pregnant. In fact, I don't feel any aches or discomforts--I just feel normal or what I used to consider normal. The boys are sleeping and my feet are up so I'm quite comfortable. I need to be more aware of those non-ache moments so I can enjoy them when they come. My favorite preg moments are shared with the boys when they make their existence known through little and big bulges and bumps. The boys are awake! Hi babies.
Last night I slept until 1:45 am. Awesome. Instead of getting up to get started on work I chose to take a bath. Easing my swollen body into the tub was not easy but the warmth of the water and the quiet of the evening were enormously soothing. I traded my time between dozing off and watching the marvel that was my belly--the boys were up too and they were apparently having a blast together making my stomach roll, ripple, and quiver.
Last night I slept until 1:45 am. Awesome. Instead of getting up to get started on work I chose to take a bath. Easing my swollen body into the tub was not easy but the warmth of the water and the quiet of the evening were enormously soothing. I traded my time between dozing off and watching the marvel that was my belly--the boys were up too and they were apparently having a blast together making my stomach roll, ripple, and quiver.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
SOOOOOO excited
I cannot freaking wait to hold my babies! I feel badly for complaining so much about the ugly side effects of pregnancy because I truly have savored the miracle of carrying two babies in my belly. The boys have kept me company and entertained me for countless hours and to actually meet them and see the little people and faces behind the belly movements is going to be one of the most touching and memorable experiences of my life. I only get ONE first pregnancy and I don't want to ruin it with vain complaints. It is already September and I have a feeling that Jamie and I will meet our boys this month, which is both exciting and intimidating!
I look forward to the clumsy process of learning how to breast feed and care for two babies at once. Watching Jamie bond with his boys is also something I look forward to observing.
I am going to be a MOM and Jamie is going to be a DAD. Yay!!!
Listening to 'This American Life' today made me emotional because the topic was on unconditional love of children. The story was introduced by talking about the old school philosophy that children shouldn't be kissed, hugged, or given too much affection because it was bad for their health. First of all, I can't imagine NOT wanting to maul my babies with kisses and embraces--how does a mother or father not automatically want to show that kind of affection? One researcher set out to disprove the notion that children are better without affection by doing research on baby monkeys. He put baby monkeys in a cage with 'two' moms. One mom was a wire mom that had a milk supply and the other mom was a cloth mom (I think they were made from bowling pins). The baby monkeys would only go to the wire mom for milk but would spend HOURS snuggling with the cloth mom--hugging it, rubbing against it, and sleeping with it. To test the 'importance' of that baby/mother relationship, the researcher would introduce a 'cloth' mom that would at random release blunt spikes that would hurt the baby monkey. The baby would retreat hurt but would always return and would essentially do anything to repair that relationship, even abandon playmates and stop eating. The imagery of a sweet, unsupsecting baby being hurt by it's 'mother' made me CRY. I found myself clutching my belly and soothing my baby babes. I marvel at how much I already love my boys and how much I fret and pray for their safety and comfort. I don't want to be a 'spike' mom.
I look forward to the clumsy process of learning how to breast feed and care for two babies at once. Watching Jamie bond with his boys is also something I look forward to observing.
I am going to be a MOM and Jamie is going to be a DAD. Yay!!!
Listening to 'This American Life' today made me emotional because the topic was on unconditional love of children. The story was introduced by talking about the old school philosophy that children shouldn't be kissed, hugged, or given too much affection because it was bad for their health. First of all, I can't imagine NOT wanting to maul my babies with kisses and embraces--how does a mother or father not automatically want to show that kind of affection? One researcher set out to disprove the notion that children are better without affection by doing research on baby monkeys. He put baby monkeys in a cage with 'two' moms. One mom was a wire mom that had a milk supply and the other mom was a cloth mom (I think they were made from bowling pins). The baby monkeys would only go to the wire mom for milk but would spend HOURS snuggling with the cloth mom--hugging it, rubbing against it, and sleeping with it. To test the 'importance' of that baby/mother relationship, the researcher would introduce a 'cloth' mom that would at random release blunt spikes that would hurt the baby monkey. The baby would retreat hurt but would always return and would essentially do anything to repair that relationship, even abandon playmates and stop eating. The imagery of a sweet, unsupsecting baby being hurt by it's 'mother' made me CRY. I found myself clutching my belly and soothing my baby babes. I marvel at how much I already love my boys and how much I fret and pray for their safety and comfort. I don't want to be a 'spike' mom.
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