Stephen's Soiree

This guy knows how to throw down a party!

Love Vigilantes

The original:



The cover:



I just heard the Iron and Wine version of this song last week and love, love, loved it. I played the song for Jamie and all of the sudden he started singing along and told me it was a New Order song. I was like, what the?

Last night I heard the original, New Order, version and also loved it. I'm a huge fan of 'favorites' but can't say I have a favorite between the two. I'm king of learning towards the cover. What do you think?

Nashville

In THREE days Jamie and I drove to and from Nashville, TN. It was an epic road trip for an epic birthday party! My brother in law Stephen turned 40 and threw himself a fantastic party and the setting at his swanky office overlooking a train station and the Nashville skyline could not have been more perfect. We had fun and you know what? Asher and Soren traveled wonderfully and were charming travel companions. Know what else? I took 650 photos at the party, good ones too. I uploaded them to iphoto and to my horror, they vanished as quickly as they were imported. Nearly all my photos are gone and I don't know how or why but I do know that I am heart broken over the loss. Photos aside, the time spent with family was joyful. Watching my children play with cousins makes me happy and lifts my heart.

Also this past week my Aunt Gaye, Uncle Steve, and cousin Stephanie have been in town. They were wonderful guests and good company. Watching them hold, kiss, and love my baby babes also made me extremely happy and grateful.

Zooooo

High five my brother!

A&S took a break from serious animal viewing to share a bench, hold hands, and give me their best BIG smiles.

Another great day at the zoo! We are hugely fortunate to live so close to such a spectacular and FREE zoo. Each time we go the boys have more fun and are better at describing what they see. They love to describe things as big and small so I got to hear a lot about every animal we saw being both big and small.

I love it when the sea lions are swimming because they are so hyper and wild. Asher and Soren called them sharks.

Soon we'll be able to visit the zoo with Jamie and that will be my favorite.

Work and Back: Updates

Asher and Soren were just four months old when I went back to work. This photo was taken at the end of my FIRST week back to work and the end of my tenure as a stay at home mom. I remember that day so perfectly and how tender my heart felt when I held them and savored them and prayed that we would all be okay as we adjusted to the new realities of life.


Soren and Asher NOW in the fullness of their two-year-old chatty and curious selves. You know what? They are blessedly happy.


Last week I experienced the nadir of my work life because I feared that my personal life was being compromised by nothing more than a change in schedule. My emotions flailed and I felt sincere despair. Leaving my beautiful and tiny baby babes at home to return to work was the most difficult experience of my life but it was made easier by a flexible work schedule. That merciful schedule was nearly annihilated but ultimately preserved by the concern of an old boss. Someone cared, really cared about me and was willing to advocate for my schedule. In the end the advocacy wasn't needed but acting on the advice of my old boss, I talked to the right person and was given permission to keep my schedule. Friends, it was a tender, tender mercy and in the moment that I knew all was well, I was humbled by the love that my God has not just for my dramatic self, but for my sweet children.


In other news, my back is feeling much better. I had another round of cortisone shots in my back, much to my terror, and they have really helped reduce the pain party in my back. I started physical therapy and that has been educational as I learn how to engage and strengthen my core. The physical therapist told me that running and my gym classes were verboten--halting my fitness routine has been heart breaking. I can feel my fitness level slipping and it's discouraging. I was also told not to carry my children on my hip--YEAH RIGHT. Jamie referred to a mother's hop as Nature's Stoop. Well said hubs, well said.

Ultimately, we are doing well and moving forward. My favorite season is upon us and we have a healthy dose of visits with family and friends this fall. Jamie's wretched work schedule is coming to an end and my children, my beautiful children, are healthy and wonderful. The goodness of life is plentiful.

Holy Likeness

Soren Carlton looking like James Banister.

Jamie and Stephen, professional players.


All the time we hear that Soren looks just like Jamie. It's hard to discount the likeness but I also think--hey, he looks like me too! When I came across this photo the other night I realized that yes, Soren really truly does look like his father.

Cute!

Cute spider!

Asher is fond of calling things 'cute.' I can't imagine where he gets that from?????????

Sunday morning while he and Soren were wrestling on my bed, Asher stopped to run his fingers through Soren's hair and said, "Cute hair!"

This weekend at the zoo we saw a display of a huge beetle made out of smaller beetles. Asher pointed at it and exclaimed, "Cute spider!" First of all, I'm not aware of many people who would describe a spider (read: beetle) as cute. Second of all, no, Asher, YOU are the cute one!

Bye Bye Balloons

"Oh, no, pop!"

Soren, my quiet, passionate son.

I love this guy.

Baby toes--I love em.

Asher in his swing.




Big smile + snake = Soren super cuteness.




See Soren?

Balloon fest!

Stretching the remains of a balloon.

Another POP!

A-man, staying cute 'n cool.

Taking down party decorations is always a sad affair because it means the planning and cheer have come to an end. The pom poms are still up--they are too lovely to take down...just yet. I dropped the balloons into the backyard to give them a happy demise. Asher and Soren loved playing with them and handled the random and sudden popping of them quite bravely.

"Oh no! Pop!" or "Oh no! All gone!" Were the most common reactions.

Sometimes in my rush to experience life--to take Asher and Soren to this park or that--I fail to let experiences happen. Sometimes Asher and Soren don't need to go anywhere--they just want to play with their toys or read books with me to show me how much they KNOW. I am going to make a greater effort to run on toddler time and let my own two little guys teach me how to experience the sweet stuff of life--like running around with a colorful snake or stacking toy trains in the toy farm house or putting farm animals on the roof instead of under the roof or saying bye bye to everything, including popped balloons. It's a creative life.

Friday LOVE

Asher and Soren demonstrating their remarkable ability to create a triangle with their fingers.

Backyard bliss.

Wow. He is so grown up and so beautiful...and I love how he is holding a train!


This morning started with a good dose of physical therapy, heavy on the glutes. I had another round of epidural injections the day before and those still freak me out. I'm hopeful that the shots and physical therapy will help me heal. I continue to mourn the loss of my ability to run and go to my favorite gym classes.

Since then I have been having a wonderful time with my lil guys. We had a fracas over the backhoe shirt, of which there was only ONE, and reluctantly Soren agree to wear an alternative shirt. Learning the magic of getting TWO of everything is a tough lesson for me. I always forget because I prefer the practicality of not getting two of the same thing.
Both boys looking dashingly handsome we took a trip to the library and found a clutch of beautifully illustrated books. Afterwards we went across the street to the park where we fed turtles tiny bits of pretzel and cheered them on as they clumsily and slowly attempted to eat the food--usually the fish or ducks swiftly outmaneuvered them. Pond wildlife is perfectly engaging for young folk because in such a manageable space we find turtles, fish, bullfrogs, cranes, ducks, swans, critters, vibrant plants, and a priceless exposure to nature. September weather has treated us kindly and made outdoor activities completely pleasurable.

We spent time in the glorious backyard swinging and playing with birthday balloons and I felt edified simply by watching my children as they played. My Fridays with them may be numbered and I am going to exact the most experience out of my precious time with them as possible. What does that mean, to exact the most meaning out of experience? For me it means hugging, holding, squeezing, holding hands, picking up, praising, observing, listening, and doing my best to recognize the extraordinary in the twinhood of my sons. I'm having fun--it's Friday love.

Two-Year-Olds

Let me tell you a little something about the glorious world of my two-year-olds: it's a cheerful and creative place. I feel like since the DAY they turned two Asher and Soren's language has matured extensively. They identify things they recognize and verbalize observations and are excited to read books if only to point out all the objects they know. Their world is largely composed of back hoes, garbage trucks, dump trucks, steam choo choos, and choo choo tracks.

When Asher and Soren turned one I didn't think their cuteness could be matched or enlarged but HOLY COW people. My twin two-year-olds are daily taking their cuteness and expanding it exponentially--just like I can't keep up with how quickly they are growing I can hardly keep up with their cuteness. I love it when they say 'thank you' and when they want us to ALL hold hands when we go on walks. I love it when they skip and jump from place to place and best of all, when they walk without bending their knees.

Also hugely cute is when they take turns singing songs at bedtime and clapping wildly.

I love it when I get home from work and Soren is so excited he marches in place and runs to me on his tip toes.

Anyway, Asher and Soren are cute and loveable and wonderful. I'm working on teaching them to pray--they have Amen down but often they prefer to read books, jump off the bed, or tackle one another during evening prayer. One day it will click. I am also trying to teach them to show empathy towards one another and to give hugs when their brother is sad or crying. This too will have meaning some day and in the meantime, I love the surprises of each day with TODDLERS.



(Thanks to everyone for such kind words and encouragement--redemption at work is close.)

Ambushed at Work

To avoid a naked post--enjoy this photo of my wonderful Soren.

Today at work I cried. Like, a lot.

I would love to go into the gory details but this blog isn't private and I don't want to compromise my professional life.

At the heart of the problem is the reality that I will most likely have to give up my sweet schedule and work every day. I already harbor enormous guilt about not being the stay at home mom I was socialized as a youth to become. My place in the world feels fragile and battered. I want MORE time with my children, not LESS.

Motherhood has been the most effortlessly joyful and satisfying experience of my life. Motherhood has also exposed me to heightened feelings of sorrow and concern. Sorrow for being away from home so much and sorrow for the times that my children suffer. Concern about doing the right things and being the right mom.

I don't know what is going to happen and my heart aches because of the uncertainty.

At least I am comforted by having joyful, beautiful, and charming children. Their two-year-old cuteness and cleverness grow daily and I marvel at the radiance of their existence.