Finding Perfection

Jamie and I sincerely struggled to find the right paint colors for our basement. We wanted to get the perfect shade of gray and until we actually painted samples on the walls--I had no idea that there could be such a disparity between the color on a paint chip and that same color on a wall. Colors are at the mercy of light and expectation and often they disappoint. Finding that perfect shade can be impossible but sometimes, sometimes, perfection is possible.

While painting our basement walls white (scrapped the gray), Jamie reflected on painting Maeve's room. He said the color for her room was perfect the moment he saw it, just like our baby Maeve. He remembered seeing her for the first time in the operating room--she came out wide eyed and curious and, well, perfect. Her wide eyes and curiosity have grown dramatically since then but so has her perfection in our lives. We love her and are so grateful for the bursts of joy and perfection she so happily gives.


Sweet sweet Maeve.

Bedtime

Tonight I told the boys at bedtime that before I left their room I needed to give them a big, fat hug because I love them so much! Soren jumped up and threw his arms around me and suddenly Asher was hugging me too. I clung to them and told them it was like the 'old times' when they were in my belly and it was just the three of us and we went everywhere together. They love it when I talk about their old 'womb' days. They wanted to know if they could see outside my body and if they could see the bones in my stomach. I laughed.

Soren reminded me that I had been to the hospital three times--once to have them, once when Asher fell, and then to have Maeve. He amazes me with his recollections. Then they started talking about going to the hospital with grandma to see me after Maeve was born. I was suddenly overwhelmed thinking of that time--of seeing the boys for the first time after Maeve's birth. I was practically giddy with excitement to see my little boys. Quickly I thought of how much their lives changed and how our relationships changed. In many ways I feel like I have failed them with the addition of Maeve. I mean, she herself is a gift and a pretty perfect one, but my attempts to manage the needs of three children have been regularly unsuccessful. I am grateful though--that at the end of the day they still love me and seem pretty happy with their lives. So many nights I go to bed and wish I had listened to them more or read to them or held them or simply engaged them. Before Maeve was born I had all sorts of motherly guilt but it was different--I had guilt over quantity of time not quality of time. Often my guilt is so palpable I just want to wake them up and start bedtime over just so I can get it right and they can have me at my greatest. I would never actually wake them up but I want to all the same.

Jamie has worked a lot lately between his 12 hour shifts and the demanding task of painting our basement so I've shouldered bedtime on my own for the past SIX nights on my own. You know what? I've actually enjoyed that time and found solace in it. Much of the change comes from a much needed shift in my attitude but Asher and Soren have a lot to do with it too. They have been wild and frantic with energy but when it's time to lay down and bid our nightly farewells, they don't complain or protest and I am so grateful. I can do hard things. I can do this and even, on some nights, with minimal guilt.

The Cement Series

During the height of the cherry blossoms, Asher one day laid on the ground for a unique view of the light and gorgeous blooms. Asher loved the cherry blossoms so much he called himself a 'cherry blossom cat' and he said it was sad when our tree had leaves because it meant no more blossoms. I'm grateful that he is so aware of his surroundings and finds pleasure in them.

After seeing ASher on the ground Maeve decided to check out the view from the sidewalk and soon Soren was there too. It was such a delight to watch them interact and copy each other and have so much fun. Sometimes I look at my little creations and think nothing in the world could be more beautiful than them--not even a cherry blossom tree loaded with perfect blooms.

Let Me Draw it For You

Asher is such a cute little man. He's full of jokes and good ideas and loves to have fun. He has also grown super sassy lately, like in just the past month, and is quick to say things like, "I hate you." and "I'm going under my shell and never coming out." Fortunately, when he says these things I don't think he really means them and in the spirit of his innocence, he's pretty easy to reason with and pull out of his angry moments.



Asher continues to impress us with his ability and desire to draw. Yesterday he stormed around the house angry that we were not having BREAD for dinner. I was surprised because I didn't know that I had so sorely gotten the menu wrong. I guess my roasted broccoli with honey and lemon glazed tofu was just not satisfying enough. Good thing I went to the effort to make something NON cereal related.

Anyways...Jamie called from work in the middle of Asher's ranting (yesterday was Jamie's first 12 hours shift) and quickly reminded me that we have a bakery RIGHT behind our house so for the love, get that kid some bread! Great idea.

I told Asher we would go to the bakery to get him some bread so I asked, "What kind of bread do you want?" His answer? "I'll draw it for you!" Of course, because he's Asher.

Holy mother of CUTENESS. Asher went to his doodle pad and drew a perfect baguette! We were both thrilled because he absolutely communicated what he wanted. I wish I had taken a picture of his baguette because it was awesome. He drew the length of the bread and even included the cracks and ridges on a good baguette.

While we were walking to the bakery Soren asked if it had croissants and if he could get one. One look at the oversized croissants and Soren changed his mind (good call) and chose a cookie instead. I told Asher he could get a cookie and he said, "No thanks, just bread."

Asher happily walked home carrying his baguette (like a gun).

The end.

Green Spring

Rhododendrons already in bloom!

Again with the stunning tulip magnolia.

Playing catch!

Maeve's turn.

The day my mom left we took her to Green Spring, a lovely garden not too far from home. We stopped by Flippin Pizza for their $6 two slices and a drink special, which is just around the corner from the garden. The first time I went to Green Springs my immediate thought was that my mom would love it! It's only taken three years for me to get her there!

The blooms were generous and the colors incredible. It was the perfect place to conclude her visit. We were sad to see her go and sad that her visit ended so quickly. Once again she spoiled us all and made us feel loved. Asher and Soren ask frequently when grandma is coming again and when we are going to visit her. I wish I had answers but I tell them soon!

My Birthday--on My Actual Birthday

Best pizza ever: pesto, potato and parmesan.

Freesia.

White cake with chocolate buttercream frosting (Jamie really got this for the boys).

Even though I had to work on my birthday...it was still a terrific day, thanks absolutely to my sweet hubs. When I walked through the door Asher said, "Soren hurt me and daddy got you a cake!" Soren was super upset and said, "The cake was a surprise Asher! Why did you tell her?" and then he cried, like a lot. I felt so bad for him!

Shortly after I got home Jamie walked through the door with my favorite pizza from Pizzeria Paradiso, two bouquets of freesia (the flowers on our wedding cake!), a beautiful card, and frozen tangy yogurt for the smoothies I requested for my birthday. I was so surprised and so grateful because each item represented a different stop.

We had pizza and smoothies then headed to the tidal basin to hopefully walk around the cherry blossoms. We couldn't find parking but the two slow laps we took around the basin were wonderful enough and provided plenty of opportunity to take a few photographs.

I felt like my family, friends, and even the Earth were happy to celebrate my birthday! I've never seen more blossoms or more color on my birthday, ever. I'm going to collect all the goodness surrounding my day and keep them as collateral for tough times ahead. Until then...thank you thank you thank you!

Saturday Celebrations

Allow me to be a bit sentimental. This has already been an emotional year as I try to enjoy the moment and revel in the NOW--particularly while we have Jamie at home. Anyway, my emotions are always a little tender and raw these days.

Do you remember what it sounded like to fall in love? I have so many songs wrapped up in my courtship with Jamie (Richard Buckner was playing in his car on our first date) but what sends my heart and mind back into the powerful swirl of falling and feeling in love is the soundtrack to Hillary and Jackie. We watched that film on the first date of the final round of our courtship. When I hear the striking sounds of Elgar and even the simple songs scored for the film, I am reminded of how grateful I am for Jamie and for the consistency and sincerity of his love and how it has grown since those simpler times. The very first notes of the Elgar cello concerto is gorgeously forceful--just like the impact of falling in love. It also reminds me of something Annie Dillard wrote--about being a bell her entire life and not knowing it until one moment when she was lifted up and struck--falling in love is wonderfully similar. Having children produces a similar sense of wonder but nothing really compares to the experience of finding and holding on to the love of your one and only.

I marvel at over 10 years of marriage that Jamie not just continues to love me but that there remains a youthful tenderness to his love for me. I'm grateful that he is still thrilled, if only occasionally, by me because sometimes it's a wonder that he even tolerates me.

Well, Jamie demonstrated his love in many delightful, thoughtful ways for my birthday. Just when I thought this turning 35 business couldn't be any more perfect, he showed me it was possible. He had a day's worth of activities planned for Saturday. Don't you think it's a gift to just go along and not have to plan anything? I do. While I was at the DMV getting a new license, Jamie took the kids to Best Buns for chocolate croissants, breakfast sandwiches and then they got fresh squeezed juice as a surprise breakfast! I was delighted and completely happy. After a few hours of happy home time, we got lunch at Generous Georges in Herndon (RIP the Alexandria one) and then hit Sully Plantation. It was a gorgeous afternoon, if even a little too hot, and we strolled the grounds and played old timey games. We loved it.

When we got home it was date time, which was completely planned by Jamie, once again. We went to Comet Ping Pong for pizza. I was astonished at the awesomeness of the food. The whimsy of the place (every table is an old ping pong table) belies the quality of the food. My pizza had garlicky broccoli raab, melted onion and a fried egg! It was superlative. After pizza we headed to Georgetown and picked up gelati from Dolcezza--the priciest dessert in town! Choosing flavors was impossible but I walked away with heirloom apple, orange cardamom, Thai coconut, and pineapple honey lime. Jamie and I agreed that the heirloom apple and Thai coconut were the best.

Finally we saw a movie and were once again amused by the activity in Georgetown late at night. Jamie was a gentleman and kind and fun and truly celebrated my birthday perfectly!

Baby Maeve at Sully Plantation.

You can't really tell but this was a little hill and Maeve LOVED running down it and nearly falling on her face and then running back up to run down again. She's quite steady footed!

Ye old bean bag toss.

Maeve's strategy was to practically just dump the bean bag in but we were happy for her sweet shot nevertheless.

This one was a bit tricky.

Portrait by Soren.

Faces.

Thank you Jamie for my birthday fun and for the extraordinary family you have given me! xoxoxoxox